If he's not able able to do that, it's his problem. The only woman in America that actually LIKES the Three Stooges :kick: How is she trying to change you? Note: I'm not worried about my friendship with Mary, unless Mary does something rash, which would be addressed in a different question. A lot of people dress their partners. CNN . There are many habits that are healthy to break such as smoking or overeating but trying to change your partner's personality isn't one of them. Learn more about Stack Overflow the company, and our products. Is My Girlfriend Trying To Change Me Or What A lack of safety in the relationship. @michi I agree, "I don't like that" is the surface of a reason. We had an instant connection and started dating. Probably she will experience real bullying from her classmates when they learn it out. TL;DR: Bruce is pushing for me to enter a relationship with Mary, and I like Mary, but don't want any relationship right now, and I want him to back off. But news flash, there aren't many of us out there who want to dress you like a One . Avoid angular points while scaling radius. Then explain your views on having a relationship and that you are not into getting to it in this time of your life. It's aggravating when someone nags you and you know they're right. My wife and daughter like some I don't, I like barbecue and they don't: But that's what friends are for, we don't have to be all things to each other. Everything you need you can find at the bottom in the navigation bar: home, search, new thread, activity and profile. And it should work, because: You need to draw a clear a line between taking charge of someone's life and caring for another. The OP should not bother Mary in this case. Involuntarily smiling in conflict is often automated behavior to placate the other person. Can Visa, Mastercard credit/debit cards be used to receive online payments? It's really important that you're sure in your decision, try to avoid giving him room for him to convince you. Girlfriend is critical of me? Constantly trying to change me? The OP might get into a more awkward and uncomfortable position for no reason by telling Mary about this. Try to get a promise that they will drop it. The information in each issue of The SoSuave Newsletter is too powerful for most guys to handle. From your descriptions of Alice and Mary, you don't think either are to blame, and perhaps they aren't. Being it important you will need to understand your friend and for that, you'll need to ask Bruce why he wants you to be in a relationship. Maybe you can pinpoint that you don't feel the same as he was before he had a relationship and that he shouldn't fear that you're unhappy with your current situation while also expressing how happy you are that his life changed this way. He might understand and sympathize with you, but because he won't let this drop, it sounds like he is under pressure, too. If his answer is unreasonable, tell him that you will discuss it again when everyone is calm and you've both had time to think about it. A serious sense of self-doubt. Do you know his reasons for these actions? Have you used this solution in a similar situation? I very clearly explained to her that I am not worried about that (men don't really have that strong a biological clock) and politely but sternly told her that her views on what's 'normal' are not representative of everyone's views on what's 'normal'. When you disrespect your spouse, you break down their self-esteem, hurt their feelings, and demean their sense of self. Or maybe Mary has decided You Are The One. This insistence in meddling with your love life doesn't seem to be coming from a desire to irritate you or change who you are, but to improve your life in a way that has improved both Bruce and Alice's life. Here's a link if you're interested: http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0956797612475095. That seems to me that a relationship is a very serious topic, indeed. Forums To learn more, see our tips on writing great answers. By telling her directly that you have no romantic interest in her, you will either let her off the hook, or she will be able to tell Alice that you have talked and agreed to remain just friends. Interesting answer, but I believe you misinterpreted how I responded to you. My point is, you can tell your friend you are NOT looking to date or marry somebody just like you, and you aren't romantically attracted to Mary, and will not change your mind, and now you are worried they [Bruce and Alice] are actually misleading Mary into thinking otherwise, and you are not looking forward to the day you have to reject Mary to her face. what would you guys do in this situation? No one? All rights reserved. Is there a legal way for a country to gain territory from another through a referendum? I will be at the same event as Mary in a couple of weeks, so I suspect Alice is pushing Mary just as hard to get Mary to ask me to enter a relationship and might have met with more success than Bruce. (we only lock the door when we have sex) when we begun to kiss and get a little horny she said out of the blue no I am menstruating .I went. Don't tell him that he is being foolish (at least at first hand), instead, try to help him realize by clarifying your happy status. The motivation is that they think that you are scared to be in a relationship and that being in a relationship would greatly benefit you, that you're having wrong impressions on what being in a relationship means. 5 Signs You're Dating Someone Who Is Trying To Change You Site design / logo 2023 Stack Exchange Inc; user contributions licensed under CC BY-SA. All that happens is that you and Mary of this 4 person group are left awkwardly interacting with each other, and potentially resentful of Bruce (and possibly Alice if she's involved) for putting them in this situation. which contains most probably basic and contemporary theories and research on nonverbal communication. It also allows you to shut down conversations: This again Bruce? Is there a deep meaning to the fact that the particle, in a literary context, can be used in place of , Pros and cons of retrofitting a pedelec vs. buying a built-in pedelec, Sci-Fi Science: Ramifications of Photon-to-Axion Conversion, Remove outermost curly brackets for table of variable dimension. Answers here need to support themselves with explanations for why they will work. It will be the most efficient use of your time. It only takes a minute to sign up. Is my girlfriend trying to change me? You will better off without people that want to take charge of your life. How to perfect forward variadic template args with default argument std::source_location? Another variable is that Mary is the one pushing this (mentioned in comments). Bruce making decisions that are not up to him is problem that needs to be solved. A: "blahblahblah, u would be perfect couple" @Imperator I understand this. I would encourage providing more depth to that, for example "it seems like you're pressuring me based on what you'd want if you were me, and I feel like what I have stated I want is being ignored here". She's telling you that she doesn't like "who you are", this has been an on going problem for you two and obviously you are never going to change to fit her needs so I'd say it's about time to realize this relationship is not going to last. Her trait reduces mine, because I care about her feelings and don't want her to freak out, so I discuss such things first. 8. It sucked to lose that. It is not for you. However, as to 'talk to Alice', it has become very evident to me that she is one of the major driving factors behind this, so I know her opinion on it. And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women. I agree the answer provides useful insights though. Hi, it's my first post so this isn't a throwaway I (21m) love my girlfriend (19f) to bits and we get along so well but sometimes there's just issues that have been starting to bother me. However, judging by his actions, and his general worldview, I believe it is a combination of him legitimately believing Mary and I would be a good match and Alice pushing him. Dear Amy: I have a mostly pleasant relationship with a lovely woman, age 48. Don't see it! You have to live to your life. There is still an issue. ", This isn't the first time things that "aren't over" are very over. This is a sort-of yellow flag for a relationship between friends. Bruce's action is: Mentioning you and Mary would be a perfect pair. You must log in or register to reply here. She complains that I say I am going to do things and don't follow through; and that I am lazy. Recently a female co-worker has been borderline harassing me about my life choices, claiming they are not 'right'. Anyway if you're not involved, @MartinBonner I understand the frustration and anger, but is that sort of condemnation constructive here, except perhaps to signal to others your disapproval for this behavior you think is bad, for whatever sociological gains that gets us? Irritating habits, interests, and behaviors of your partner can ultimately cause friction. We like the same kind of comedy, the same TV shows, we both like live plays and amateur theatre, similar music, mostly the same restaurants. Why do complex numbers lend themselves to rotation? I think an active investigation is beyond your desires at the moment. Will just the increase in height of water column increase pressure or does mass play any role in it? She wants reassurance that the relationship is stable and you aren't about to vanish. I wouldn't recommend bringing them up all at once (I doubt that conversation would go well!) They invade your privacy. It seems that Bruce is forcing me into a relationship with Mary. It's making me uncomfortable, and I'd hate to unconsciously spend less time with you guys because I'm uncomfortable. He might ask you about your reasons. Pick the most important one and work on that first. Ask Amy: I told my girlfriend exactly who I am and now she wants me to Is my girlfriend trying to change me? : r/relationship_advice And no, he won't break a friendship over this. Or, you have to find out as much as possible from the background, because once you know why he is doing all this, you can tackle the source or it. Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange is a question and answer site for people looking to improve their interpersonal communication skills. I understand I have faults and I work to change those but she doesn't hound me all the time about it. Tell him why you don't want to be in a relationship with Mary (or in general), try to explain how being in a relationship won't be beneficial to you, as a bonus mentioning something that your friend and his girlfriend do that you feel uncomfortable doing (just to point to him out that you and him are different). I've been set up by well-meaning friends before too (always in a relationship themselves). I Shouldn't Have to Accept Being in Deepfake Porn - The Atlantic I thought I told you that if I became interested in her, I'd tell you? He asked me how I was doing in school (he knows full well I'm at the top of my class), and when I mention how well I'm doing, he responds 'oh that's great, did you know Mary is at the top of her class?'. The Secret to Power and Confidence with Women, How to Become Almost Completely Irresistible to Women. He outlined his reasoning, which mostly consisted of the fact Mary and I are similar, and waited for my reaction. Girlfriend trying to change me. what would you guys do in this Dear HAIA: You have to understand: to women, men are just raw material, to be turned into husbands and fathers . The existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves: You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but Im just not close enough to get the job done. It was Nov. 3, 2017, and the target was Jos Manuel Villarejo Prez, a former government spy. She asked me if I ever worried my time would 'run out'. @kingW3 Your answer might be better received and more helpful if you start with the pragmatic aspects you currently have in the second half of your answer, and maybe elaborate more in-depth about what causes you to perceive certain disagreements as override-able and others as certain and definitive. If you're not ready then you're not ready. Bethany, 73, found that her husband changed in positive directions . We've been married 30 years, and what we have in common is we both like the same entertainments, at least an 80% overlap. If so, then OP might be more benefited by giving the reasons than not. It will be the most efficient use of your time. If he's really a good friend he'll back off and respect your boundaries. 2023 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. Try to talk to everyone before the event too if you can manage it; this will prevent any shenanigans Bruce and Alice may have planned. You could side-step Bruce be talking to Mary directly. It may seem to start innocently enough, with your girlfriend finding reasons for you not to go out with your friends or attend family events. What is the significance of Headband of Intellect et al setting the stat to 19? You have to do whats right for you. At times, they may even ask you to seek help, saying that you're losing your grip on reality. Try to keep your body language strong: don't slouch or shrug, and meet their eyes even when they try to insist they're right. (Even if I wanted a relationship I wouldn't go along because she appears to be on a pursuit of making life go her way and life presented her a different picture of romance where a girl has to act, in that case). while not destroying my friendship with Bruce. Smiling in an interpersonal situation with the intention to set boundaries is one of the single most counterproductive non-verbals. This is strange, as it had never come up before, and Bruce knows I'm not looking for a relationship. This is a nonverbal signal for him to respond. she wants me to change my clothing and the way I do my hair. Your job is to cut off any negotiating room. If she answers: "Why not?" 9 Signs of a Controlling Partner Not the unwashed masses. Family - Relationship Health: My girlfriend is trying to change me. Do not copy or redistribute in any form! A quick google search brought up Nonverbal Communication in Human Interaction by Mark L. Knapp et al. But I could try the 'uncomfortable' angle,that could have some merit. She will probably be more understanding about it than Alice and Bruce, if only because it's an awkward conversation. She's scared to death she's going to loose you & get her tender heart stomped on. Sometimes, that means letting go; even where friends are concerned. I'm not interested. Thank you for visiting and have a great day! Meta's Threads Is Here. What You Need to Know and How to Use It JavaScript is disabled. What's misguided is the idea that you can push your husband or wife to change in the direction you have chosen for him or her. You can try explaining that while they may see it as a fun challenge to hook up two mutual friends, you see it as invasive. Your friends want what's best for you, but think they know what that is better than you do. My girlfriend keeps trying to change me. This doesn't bother me, as they drop it - it was only an excuse to tease me about a facet of my life that is radically different from theirs. They almost always seem to split the work, each targeting one person. Explain the situation to her, and say that you would be delighted to remain friends with her, but you do not want a romantic relationship. Is My Girlfriend Trying To Change Me Or What ? is another signal to convey the importance of a message, specially when combined with rhythm in speech and head movement. Relationships are an intensely personal decision - and this is your decision, not his.
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