why do i feel used by everyone

While we have to confront the parts of ourselves which are not whole, we also get to become reacquainted with ourselves, and we no longer have to cede the question of our loveability to someone like these ACs who only MIRROR the lousy ways we see and treat ourselves. He confided in me about the guilt and pain he was going through and I eventually close to him. He thought he could manage everything to his own convenience and timetable, but guess what, neither you nor his wife can be controlled, managed and manipulated indefinitely. Congrats Shyner, I do believe youve climbed on board! The most difficult part is that we work side by side and theres no escaping. I know cause I allowed it to happen.I was just thinking today that hes probably with one of the 3 or 4 baby mothers treating them like queens,although I have heard stories but I just think he never took money from them. I felt used because I gave my love amd trust and when I had own doubts and feelings of guilt, he would tell me to have faith amd confidence in us. previous or current bullying . Ms. I really liked Magnolias post a ways back delinating being having social capitol (which of course, others can use us for) & something else. This helped me alot, the exEU MM Narc said a lot of wonderful things, his actions did a lot of horrible things. I must have really hit rock bottom for him to think its acceptable to treat me this way. Like I said, my aim is to be hopeful, but not stupid. I hope you see this and will act in your own best interests as soon as possible. The one who is not my type at all? (yeah, I know, fuck types). I wouldnt want anyone to waste six years of their life wondering why they were treated such and such by someone who is best forgotten. Also, many of us get caught up in whether or not this AC/EUM/MM/Person-of-Addiciton is truly a malevolent user, or whether hes just lost, etc, and doesnt realize how unhappy he makes us. Through the help of a friend and antidepressant medication I am Im a better place and I am working on myself; each day building my self-esteem up, because I know I deserve better. Anyway, like I said, not sure if this is a helpful contribution but this post did make me think of him, and FWIW I learned from the strawberry incident (and from being used in my turn by subsequent ACs): theres no such thing as a casual relationship. I pretty much go through life not wanting to wake up. It doesnt mean theyre deplorable people per se, or that there contributions to society dont matter, just deplorable people to be married to. Dont reply, get yourself busy, dont go to dinner. I dont know, maybe the fact that Im asking questions is a bad sign. I hope you too come to a more peaceful place. I do think some caution is called for, but seriously, at our age, every guy is going to have some kind of baggage or something about them that causes a properly Edjukaytid BR woman like ourselves to tread carefully. All youll actually get with this guy is more drama and heartache. That was my wake-up call. Did you gain some weight? They would never get very far. Anyway, every time he disappeared I later learnt he was staying over his exes but I wasnt constantly a part of his life so really this is his business, not mine. We get hungry because we really really could use someone. I would still be on the roller coaster if I didnt find BR and then investigate the intricacies of narcissism. It has the major elements covered in terms of truthful facts, but she constructs herself as the victim in all circumstances. The weird thing is, the more more pain I stick with and process, the more I love and appreciate myself, the more I grow. Disappearing is the typical MO of the EUM because it means he can just disconnect and avoid dealing with his feelings and your feelings in reaction to his complete inability to take responsibility for his own actions. Alienation can be the result of a mental or physical condition. Its understandable we might feel used when were left in the lurch by a partner who is gone. Dream killers, overly critical and judgmental people, fake and . Thanks a million for the posting tip. Looking back, hes one of the biggest manipulating liars Ive ever known. Thats how screwed up a situation can get if you dont listen to the clear advice of about twenty five people who care about you. Its going to take time for the AC to get out of your head, even with NC (thats the best and the only way to sort this out). We are no longer on the Island Of Lost Boys. Suppressing and repressing my needs, desires, expectations, feelings, and opinions to try to influence and control other peoples feelings and behaviour was asnatural to me as breathing. This is the opening of my new book, The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, & Say Yes to the Life You Want.As I also explain in the book, a recovering people pleaser is someone who recognises theyve had the habit but is committed to getting to know it and themselves so that they can break the pattern. And thats what Ive been doing for over seventeen years, and I share everything Ive learned in my book, which comes out in January Im wearing a sweatshirt which I designed and got made by my bro @richardllue Pre-order and listen to the first chapter at the links in my bio.#healthyboundaries #peoplepleaser #codependentnomore #thejoyofsayingno One day you realise that youve got to stop emotionally blackmailing yourself into pleasing others.My book, The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want, comes out in January and is available for pre-order. Let him go to dinner with his latest conquest or maybe hell find a new one between now and then? My comments are related to what others have previously stated. This was a metaphor for clues in the victims thinking, speech, and actions that showed that they were manipulated by someone. Many years of betrayal, lying, manipulating, future-faking. You need to put this user in your rearview mirror because it isnt going to get better. for that. My asshole ex AC bought one 4 months before our baby was born, claiming it would be the perfect vehicle for family holidays. Reality: He flaunted me around his and his exs mutual friends and on facebook where she was sure to hear and see about our tryst. I rearranged some prime offenders of this from my inner to outer circles some time back. That hurt me a lot and still do esp after I had booked a trip to see him before that argument came about. I feel you. I dont know what to say, since I think that we each come have to come to the fully-embodied realization that ENOUGH IS ENOUGH in our own ways. Hmm. MsD, Thanks so much for your openness! comment sex?-oh i vaguely remember that i think i had some about 3 years ago. not thinking that that would put a bullseye on me which read i need sex come get me. I told him that a relationship is a two way street and things shouldnt just be on his terms. Truth be told Id like to get rid of her completely but its not quite that easy as we mix in similar circles. User/used-person dynamic isnt necessarily two opposing strong feelings, one of I really want to use you and the other I really want a relationship. Its more I dont care much at all where this goes hey, would you do this for me?/I care a lot sure, Ill do that for you. I replied and asked him how his was going. I am loath to look anymore desperate than I already have so this sight has been immensely helpful. Im not on a phone. I told him I was confused and upset. This literally broke my heart. So go NC, and start to validate yourself. Telling me he cared about me but wasnt ready for a relationship. butterfly, that is so cruel and I really feel for you. AND thank you, I am having a wonderful time with my two grandchildren. Committing to someone whos on the fence about you is betrayal of the self. You post on your phone huh? Ive suspected for a while now this woman could become dangerous due to her lack of bounderies & invading my privacy so much. The reason were all here is for this exact type of situation. I have to say, reading, He is so freaking KIND. made my night . Plus, I at least have the satisfaction of his last email to me was him begging me how much he loved me and wants to hold me blah blah blah, I have to let that hang there. Of course, that doesnt mean the same will happen for you but neither do you know that it will end badly. Free It is true if someone loves you youll know. And it was incredibly nice, because we were in a standoff about it happening. Go for a Walk. It WILL get better, and a couple months down the line you will not believe how much better you are feeling. Ive been observing her more & more. Girl, you need to read Nats book on fantasy relationships asap! Perhaos Im over sensitive due to illness. Sent him a message of encouragement. Im usually very resolute that we dont do anything to ATTRACT ACs as this I believe such (often new agey type clap trap) ascribes mythical power to us over others, that we frankly (in my view) do not have. brought me to a screaming boregasmyawn. How easy is it for a woman to walk away from a marriage? Im having difficulties with one friend in my current circle related to this topic. Cut him off. The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user. He needed the ego-stroke, and I needed to hold onto false hope. It was like time had stood still for those few years, that I had just stepped back in time and there we were like nothing had happened or changed. I am pretty tired, like I have to concentrate a lot to maintain the positivity (even though I know its the right thing and I feel freer.) You can be sure he is moving on with his. Even had one guy tell me if he didnt like me hed find me intimidating WTF? UGGGH! I mean, it was fucking HYPOTHETICAL. Bless you. I used to have boundaries but it seems they got lost in the process when you fall for someone you care about. (The world population of cats would double overnight. My sister, who is quite older than me and we never got along due to many reasons, asked for a huge favor recently. Why am I finding it so hard to let go of someone who on the first dumping cited fear of aided race child (ironically he posted on his wall how he is against racism lol) The second dumping was after I caught him cheating and he never spoke to me then when I called him he shouted at me over checking how home making no mention of the other girlhe said he didnt see the point of us if I am so insecure and paranoid. Its like being addicted to computer games. They would either terminate the relationship (brutal but honest) or, maybe after a decent period, you find yourself back in touch as friends (genuine friends with no using and abusing), or satellite acquaintances. I value monogamy so I could be with the someone who checks every box I have, fits with all my other values, but itll never work if that one is missing. But my sister cant make a sandwich so even thats not guaranteed. I am thinking about what Natalie says about us slowing our roll and I honestly believe that if MS D, or any of us, do that and use our spidey senses, then we should escape relatively unscathed. we are aiming for sensible risk rather than a stupid one and so far so good I think. Its the line isnt it. Online doesnt work. Need bailing out of jail again? You end up pining for that guy who use to treat you like a queen and he wasnt real. He also turned out to be a lame friend in the long run anyway. But then again, I would probably go along with it, if I liked the person, and see how it went. Believe me. I am now 1 month NC with a guy who turned out to be a class A user. A Personal Perspective: Coming of age as a love zombie. And if youve cut them off yourself? I can relate to this. Being unwell also means time on my hands to ruminate. There arent any good ones out there, and this is the closest thing Ive seen to it in like, forever.. Wowthis so describes my situation. Thats why I deleted her off fakebook). What a creep! If I stay single for the rest of my life I will never get suckered by a FF/FF narc like that ever again. I get bk to my inner city home area maybe once a mth or so but its a huge effort, often without much payoff. And come back here for all the validation you need! The real recognition that other peoples reactions, actions, thoughts and feelings are about them. It always has something meaningful for me about what I experienced as well as something that affirms the new path Im on. Congratulate yourself on 20 days. It generally takes time to feel used. Runnergirl, Ive deleted the text so I cant keep torturing myself with it or should I say them (there was more than one!). Larissa I agree with Grizelda. It doesnt sound like he can get past that; it isnt that he doesnt want you per se, it is that you are associated with the failure of his marriage. The first 3 mths of knowing her consisted of her initiating all contact (after all she was the one seeking my counsel/friendship not the other way around) where she would phone me & in an elevated pitch & extremely rapid fire speech, talk non stop AT ME for half an hour & then having spewed a bunch of stuff out, abruptly hang up before I could even respond! Its a complete waste of time and self esteem killer. Occasional periods of feeling this way are perfectly normal. You got out. Love and appreciate yourselfyou're all you have. The Big Question: Will he try to get in contact with me? I need to learn to trust myself, and Im pretty sure I need to fix my broken flush handle before I go out with anymore dudes. But you wont even be in a position to even notice them until youve stopped reeling from the sickening thud that you feel every time he swoops you high in the air and then discovers that he hasnt got any way of holding you up. Otherwise, residual bad feelings are likely. This isnt the Hokey Cokey (or Pokey)! And he didnt want me to think he was being selfish or did not care.
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